Fallout: The Puget Wasteland
by Glitch169
Summary: Mordecai Remington is a nobody, working under slightly more important nobodies in Vault 109. This makes him the perfect candidate for a suicide mission to retrieve the parts needed to save his vault from starving to death. Well, if he can make it through the meat-grinder that is "The Puget Wasteland".
1. Atom Bomb Baby

This story is a co-op writing between CharminSnabber and Nitroflak.

* * *

Chapter 1: Atom Bomb Baby

War, war never changes...

7:41 AM

The record player kept skipping repeatedly, the same final lines of the song were playing on an endless loop waiting for someone to release them.

I just want to start a flame in your heart...

I just want to start a flame in your heart...

I just want to start a flame in your heart...

The room was claustrophobically cramped. A thick speaker was held in place with steel bolts, into the steel wall, next to the steel door. The room was as cold visually as it was tangibly. A tiny eight foot steel cube with only the most basic of necessities and a few creature comforts. A small bed piled with dirty clothes and musty blankets was tucked in the corner under a worn metal cupboard and beside a cracked dresser.

The speaker crackled harshly, with an insistent buzzing sound as a nasally voice called out into the room. "Mordecai! Mordecai you dumb son of a bitch, I told you to be down stairs half an hour ago!" A groan escaped from the pile on the bed. It crackled. "Mordecai, get the fuck down here!" The blankets and the clothes on the bed were suddenly sent flying, and a young man swung his feet over the side and planted them on the floor. He narrowed his dark blue eyes as he shouted back at the speaker, "God. Fucking. DAMMIT! I'm on my way down!" His voice sounded tired, like it always did. He ruffled his silver brown hair before stretching his arms above his head, knocking them on the ceiling. He mumbled to himself, "Can't even goddamn relax."

He was wearing his standard issue, blue Vault-109 jumpsuit. Yellow stripes snaked around his waist crawling up his chest. The snakes curved and met around his collar. Grabbing his military green Pip-boy, he hastily latched it around his wrist. Oops, backwards. He then unlatched it and flipped it around before relatching it. Right side up this time, he tapped the screen twice and the bright green "Vault Boy" flickered to life, giving him a thumbs up. Lines upon lines of text, numbers, and other symbols flew up the screen as the Vault Boy faded away and the Pip-boy finished booting up. He scrolled to the "Radio" tab on the top right of his screen, and selected "Galaxy News Radio".

His work boots which were on the side of his bed were quickly put on, heavily stained with dirt and oil smeared on the bottoms and sides. As he walked towards his door, he took the needle off the record, setting it to the side. After doing so he pressed the small button on the box next to his door. The door, of course slid open with a metallic hiss. He rushed out of the room quickly, pressing the button again as he walked out, it hissed closed behind him. Quickly turning to the right, he followed the green line painted on the floor. He waved to a few of the people he passed. If he wasn't in such a rush, he would have stopped to chat for a while, perhaps had a cup of coffee. But since his engineer master Lou was such a fucking asshole, well. There goes that idea.

He arrived in the green room. Plants. Fucking Plants. Everywhere.

"Where's the parts?" Lou ask. He seemed at the end of his patience.

"Wh-what?" Said Mordecai

"The FUCKING parts for the greenhouse!"

"What fucking parts for the greenhouse?!" Mordecai asked as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes

"The parts we need to fucking fix the greenhouse, you dumbass!"

"We don't have any fucking parts! I didn't even know we needed to fix the greenhouse!"

"You stupid FUCKING idiot! We need to fix this greenhouse now!" The veins in Lou's head throbbed furiously.

"Check if the fucking Overseer has them, you fucking asswipe."

Lou stormed across the room to his speaker and slammed his fist against the button. "Overseer's office. It's important."

A robotic whirring came out of the speaker before it began to ring. The overseer picked up almost immediately.

"Mr. McCale, is there a problem?"

"Yeah, this shithead said we were out of parts, and I can't find any of them anywhere."

A heavy thud echoed from the speaker, followed by the sound of rustling paper. "The ledger here says we have... let me see. Shit."  
Lou leaned closer to the speaker. "What sir?"

"We have... jack shit left for parts apparently." The Overseer's voice was overall calm, with only the occasional burst of rage scratching through his voice to the surface.

Mordecai let out a loud sigh, shaking his head, "Jack shit left for parts? Oh that's just fuckin' lovely. We don't even have a way to get more I bet."

The Overseer paused for a moment before his voice crackled through the speakers, "Well, we might actually end up having a way."

"How can we get more parts? We don't have any in the Vault. Not to mention, no-one can make them."

"That's why it seems we'll have to send someone out into that horrid Wasteland." The overseer's voice shuddered.

"Oh, of course. Figured it'd be something along those lin-."

The Overseer coughed and began to speak "It'll have to be you."

Lou stifled a laugh.

"..Ex-fucking-cuse me? You want someone like me to go out there? I can't go out there, you damn well know I wasn't trained well enough. No, no I wasn't trained at all."

"Please do make your way up to my office at once, Mr Remington."

Mordecai groaned before sluggishly making his way to the door. A wrench went flying past his head and he immediately ducked for cover. He turned to see Lou laughing maniacally

"You heard the man, at once. Now get your ass moving before I throw a blowtorch!"

"I'm going to make you have a floor to brain connection after I'm done with this shit!" he yelled as he flipped off his sadistic teacher and rushed out the door. He slammed his hand on the button as he walked out. The door hissed behind him as he began to follow the purple line to The Overseer's office. As he approached the door it automatically opened for him. He walked up to the front desk looking down at him as he sat across from the man.

He looked around the room. It was easily three times the size of his own private quarters. Its walls were adorned with rusted picture frames containing black and white photographs of smiling faces long dead, and large buildings that would, by now, have been reduced to nothing but a pile of rubble.

The Overseer himself seemed as ancient as the pictures themselves. His elbows were rested on the sleek veneer of his desk. His hands folded together, with a pen stuffed between them. The man was easily in his late sixties with wrinkles evident on his face. His snow white hair was combed over to one side. his brown eyes stared across at Mordecai with intent.

"Ah yes! Welcome to my office, you already know why you're here. But don't worry. The moment you get the parts you'll be welcome back here, with open arms."

Opening a drawer, he reached in and fumbled around for a moment. He produced a 10mm pistol in a holster and a small box of ammunition. He set them both down gently on the wooden desk.

"This'll keep you filled on ammo for the time it should take you to get the parts needed for the green room. You'll be leaving tomorrow morning. Continue on with your day, gather what else you need, and make sure to rest early tonight."

With a sigh, he reached his hand forward grabbing ahold of the gun and the box of ammo. He slipped the holstered gun onto his belt and stuffed the bullets into his pocket as he turned to leave. Following the yellow line towards the living quarters. The bullets jingled in his pocket as he made his way to his room. The door made the familiar hissing noise as it slid open. He walked into the room and placed the holster with the gun on the cracked dresser, and the bullets safely under a pile of socks in the dresser drawer.

Walking towards his bed, he grabbed his Vault lab coat and slipped it on, leaving the two top buttons undone. The lab coat itself had a single breast pocket, two deep pockets on its lower sides, and a large, bold "109" stenciled on the back. Under where his lab coat had been, were two black gloves. He grabbed them and slipped them on. He opened and closed his hands a few times while he walked back towards the door and exited. He didn't even bother to close it as he walked out. He followed the orange line, it lead him to a staircase with the words "REACTOR LEVEL" printed above the doorway.

The reactor level held four large transformers. Lightning sparked and hissed from the giant metal machines. Even striking at the cage surrounding it, like a wild animal locked in a zoo. Next to the giant bulking machines was the room that connected it to the main staircase. He came down, and to the left there was a massive control panel. Buttons, tuning knobs, flashing lights, energy meters. All of it was on the surface of the white panel, and that, is where he worked at. Down here, at least.

"What a fun job this was." He said aloud as he ran his hands over the panel, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

But, he wasn't here to work today. He had to find something more useful to him than a jumpsuit and a shitty handgun. The reactor wasn't the only thing on this floor. There were also rooms used as med-bays, morgues, and general storage. The med-bay was a good place to start gathering supplies. He could "borrow" some Stimpacks, Rad-away, Rad-X, and anything else he might need. Because after all, The Overseer did say to gather what he needed.

He continued walking past the panel and followed the redline on the floor to a doorway with a thick white curtain pulled across it. He quietly pulled the curtain to the side and peered into the dimly lit room. No one was here, perfect. He made his way over to a dusty, metal shelf and grabbed a plastic case. He opened it and saw there were a couple Stimpacks, and even a bottle of Rad-X. Talk about a lucky find. Placing the bottle and Stimpacks in his coat pockets, he quickly walked out of the medical room. He reached into his pocket pretending to pull out an imaginary shopping list.

"Ste-.. borrow shit from the med-bay. Check. Next on the list; take me some fucking tools." He said chuckling to himself. "Man, I am a dick."

He continued down the hallway. The red line ended as a black line took its place. The black line lead him to the Mechanic's Shop. There should be some tools he could use here. Extra Pip-boy parts, repair parts for guns, the works.

Machines. Fucking Machines. Everywhere.

This was honestly quite a fascinating place. He wished he had been assigned to work here instead of being some greasy-haired asshole's lackie. He took a step forward and his right foot went flying out from underneath of him "Whoa, shit!" He barely managed to catch his balance. "Fucking oil spills. Who cleans this place?" He wiped his shoes off and examined the concrete room. Mister Handies, both being broken down for parts, and being repaired, were hung on large metal hooks on the wall. Even a Protectron. Well, some of a Protectron. It was missing a head and all of its limbs, with wires hanging limply out of it. Poor guy.

Even in "death" he had a use to Mordecai. Right next to it was a trolley, filled with the Protectron's own robotic insides, and the tools used to remove those insides. Well, outsides now. A rusted hacksaw sat next to a small set of screwdrivers and a metal file. He grabbed the screwdrivers and the file, then opened the drawer on the side of the trolley. A few lone dry-cell batteries rolled towards him. He quickly snatched those up as well, placing the newly found tools in his pocket next to the Stimpacks, and the batteries in his breast pocket.

Heading out of the Mechanic's Shop, then quickly through the reactor room, then back up the stairs to the residential floor. He then went back towards his room, hitting the button to shut the door behind him as he entered. He turned a grey knob on the door to the right, and the lights on the metal box faded from bright green to a deep red. The words "Do not disturb" flashed on a small monitor on the door. As he reached his bed he seemed to brush all of his work clothes off his body. He sat down on the edge of his bed, he looked at the 10mm pistol on his desk.

A heavy sigh came from Mordecai as he reached out to his drawer, pulling it open he looked at a small stack of vinyl records. He grabbed a record with the word "Dot" in rainbow lettering. He took the current record off the player and gently set it in the drawer. He put the new record on the player. Moving the needle over the it, he softly placed it on the edge of the dusty black disc. The song began to play:

Got a doll baby, I love her so...

Nothing else like her anywhere you go...

Man she's anything but calm...

A regular pint-sized atom bomb...

Mordecai snapped his fingers and quietly hummed along to the song.

Snap.  
"Bum... yadda."

Snap.  
"Bum... yadda."

Snap.  
"Bum... yadda."

Mordecai couldn't fight back a small smile from creeping across his face. He opened the drawer again and grabbed a few Holotapes out of it and tossed them on top of his pile of laundry. Laying back on his bed, he placed his hands behind his head, nodding to the beat of the music. Slowly his eyes slid shut and he drifted off to sleep. The record kept going soon enough hitting its end as it began to skip repeatedly.

She's just the way I want her to be...

A million times hotter than TNT...

A million times hotter than TNT...

A million times hotter than TNT..

* * *

This is both me and Nitroflak's first fanfiction we've ever wrote, so please do rate and review if you'd like, it'd be great to see what we could both do to build and improve this story, thank you all for reading.

The song used at the end of the Chapter is Atom Bomb Baby, by the Five Stars


	2. Like a Rollin' Stone

_Chapter 2: Like a Rolling Stone_

Sirens roared and the room was flooded with rapidly flashing red light. The heavy vault door rolled open with a metal scream. Rust and dirt poured down, howling winds bit through Mordecai's vault-suit. It was black outside. Pitch black. Mordecai stepped forward into the darkness clutching his pistol tightly. The door slowly rolled shut behind him as he continued forward. He blinked rapidly trying to adjust his eyes to the darkness.

Gravel crunched under his feet and the stench of rot filled his nose. He kept walking forward. He pressed a button on the side of his Pip-Boy and a small light flashed to life, only illuminating the ground around him. The gravel was a mixture of dusty yellow, flecked with spatters of dark crimson. A battered wooden door rattled in the wind ahead of him. Mordecai slowly placed his hand against the splintered boards. The wind carried a faint growl between the cracks of the door. Hesitantly pushing it open, he was greeted with the same still blackness.

He looked down as his feet as he stepped over the threshold into the wasteland when he felt his head bump into something hard. He reached his hand up and felt what seemed like rough scarred leather. He slowly raised his Pip-Boy. Teeth. A mouthful of teeth. They slowly separated with a wet cracking sound and spewed forth a torrent of guttural rage and rotten breath. He slammed his eyes shut and yelled "Fuck, Fuck, FUCK!" as he fell backwards through the door. He didn't land on gravel, but hard metal.

He opened his eyes and there was blackness. He reached his arm out to his side and felt something soft. It was a blanket. He reached out in front of him and felt a handle. It was a dresser. He was in his room. Slowly taking the blanket off, he tossed it back on his bed looking at his Pip-Boy. The screen flashed the numbers "06:04". He placed a hand on his cracked dresser to help him stand up. He reached down to the floor and picked up his Vault-suit from the day before and sniffing it. He shrugged before going to slip it on. He yawned and stretched his arms, then noticed the lab coat on the floor and picked it up, He slid it on over his Vault-suit and buttoned it up to the top two buttons.

Walking towards the door, he turned the grey knob on the panel next to it. The lights on the box faded from red back to green. He pressed the button below the knob and the door hissed open. He walked out the door, his shoes clicking against the concrete floor. He followed the brown line leading him to the Diner. Not many people would be awake at this time, and the people that were would either be working or eating breakfast. The events of yesterday kept running through his head. "Was this really going to fucking happen?" he thought. "Yes, yes it was."

In his moment of pondering he had walked right past the diner and bumped into a young woman. He looked up to see who he bumped into, then looked immediately down. A young woman barely above five feet looked up at him with large amber eyes that had bags under them. She had long red hair and a smooth round face. She sleepily grumbled, walking past him. He spun around and followed, calling out to her.

"Maya! Maya wait up!"

In response she held up her left index finger and kept walking. She continued down the same brown line Mordecai had been following. As she reached the Diner, she quickly head to the four coffee machines that were placed on a metal table in the middle of the room. She grabbed a paper cup and placed it under one of the machines then pressed a button. Coffee poured out from the machine and filled the cup. She pulled a lever that dropped two sugar cubes into the coffee. She pulled the lever six more times then grabbed a spoon and gently stirred it. She raised it up to her lips and took a long drink, proceeding to drink the entire cup of her sugary concoction. She slowly set the cup down and finally lowered her finger.

"You may speak now." She said in a quiet, matter-of-fact voice. She crossed her arms and stared defiantly up at him.

Mordecai took in a breath as he contemplated how to exactly word his sentence, "I uh.. Don't honestly know how to sugar coat this. But, the greenhouse is fucked and we need parts. So... I'm the one the Overseer picked to go out. I have to retrieve the parts myself from the wasteland."

She nodded slowly. "Oh, okay." She grabbed her cup, filling it up with coffee. She stared at the coffee machine for a moment then looked at Mordecai. Her eyes widened, "What?! You fucking what?!"

He looked down at his feet and tightened his hands into fists, he wasn't sure how to respond. He looked back up at her, "I didn't.. I wasn't... asked. I was told to. But, that doesn't mean I won't be coming back."

"I don't care! That's the wasteland we're talking about, we don't even know what's out there! This isn't some game, that's an entirely new world out there! You could get killed, or raped, or eaten, or blown up, or... I don't know what..."

"I know, I know. But, just because that could happen doesn't mean it will. I'll come back in one piece. If not, you can beat me with whatever limb I happen to lose. Deal?"

She crossed her arms and pouted. "That still isn't fine. I'm not okay with this."

Mordecai let out a heavy sigh and looked down at her with a sad smile. "I'm not okay with it either, Maya. But, I don't really have any wiggle room to make a choice here. People don't exactly tell The Overseer no, now do they?"

Maya stared down at her feet. "Well, I guess not. But, that's not right. You aren't even getting a choice in a life or death situation." She began to speak faster and her voice cracked. "You shouldn't just have no right to pick what happens, you're too young t-."

Mordecai reached out and gently grabbed her arm. "I know. I know. But, once I get these greenhouse parts I'll be coming right back. The instant I do. Now, I need to go get ready." He turned away from the coffee machine and walked towards the exit of the diner.

She reached out and grabbed his arm. "At least let me help you pack, I don't want this to be how I say goodbye to you."

Mordecai stared at the woman for a few long moments before taking a deep breath. "Alright, but no more trying to change something that we have no right to change."

Maya let out a tired sigh of relief. "Let's hurry up then. I don't wanna have to wait longer to see you again then I have to." she said as they both walked out into the hallway

They spent their walk towards the living quarters quietly looking at anything but the other person. If Mordecai were to look at Maya, she would quickly avert her gaze towards the ceiling and point out the pipes, "Are those new?" or read a notice on the wall, "Well isn't that something!"

Eventually reaching Mordecai's small room, they both quietly stepped inside. Mordecai grabbed an old duffel bag and tossed it on the bed before stuffing some of his clothes into it. Maya began to sort through Mordecai's meager belongings and folded some more of his clothes for him. She quietly hummed to herself as she worked, trying to lighten the mood. She opened his drawer, a few records sliding forward. She reached down into the drawer grabbing a vinyl record with a red center and bold black lettering on it and placed it on the record player.

She looked back over to Mordecai and smiled at him before placing the needle onto the disc. She gave her shoulders a slight wiggle, singing along with the song.

"Once upon a time you looked so fine…" She slowly walked forward, her hips lightly swaying from left to right as she did.

"Threw the bums a dime in your prime, didn't you…?" She twirled around Mordecai and grabbed a bobblehead off his dresser and playfully tossed it at him.

Almost immediately after he caught it, she reached out and plucked it from his hands and dropped it on the ground smiling at him. "People call say 'Beware doll, you're bound to fall'..."

She continued dancing around the room until the song ended. She looked over at Mordecai to see that he had finished packing his belongings into the duffel bag. He reached out to Maya and patted her on the head before pulling her towards him and gently kissing her on the forehead. "I'll be back soon, Maya. Stay safe here alright?"

Mordecai tossed the bag over his shoulder and began making his way to The Overseer's office. He gave one last wave to Maya before disappearing around the corner from his room. He slowly walked towards The Overseer's office and paused outside the door and took a deep breath. He exhaled then pushed the buzzer next to the door before it slid open. The overseer looked up at the door and slowly stood, leaning himself against his desk.

"I'm ready to get your fucking parts" Mordecai said. "But, I need one more thing from you before I go."

"What's that?"

"Another Pip-Boy."

"Why?"

"Because if this shit breaks, I'm fucked, and I prefer to be the one doing the fucking in my life." Mordecai said.

The Overseer raised his finger for a moment before giving Mordecai a confused look. "I..." He chuckled. "I can see your point. Give me one moment." He sat back down in his chair and spun around to a large cabinet.

He opened it and rummaged through a drawer before tossing a Pip-Boy back over his head to Mordecai. "There you are son."

Mordecai reached out and caught it, looked it over, and stuffed it in his bag. "Alright, let's get this show on the road. Wait. How do I even get to the vault door? I have never seen anyone just walk to it."

The Overseer smiled and reached under his desk. He pulled out a small brass key and tossed it to Mordecai. He pointed to one of the small photographs hanging on the wall near the door through which Mordecai had entered.

"Take the picture down and place the key into the small hole behind it, then turn counter-clockwise."

Mordecai gave The Overseer a grin as he turned and gently moved the old photograph off its peg. "Clever." He set the photo down and saw a small, rusted keyhole. He put the key in the hole and twisted it. Slowly the wall behind The Overseer's desk slid open revealing a battered steel door. The Overseer got up from his chair and began to crank a large valve on the front of the door, slowly prying it open.

"This door hasn't been open for damn near fifty years, and once you get back, I don't want to open it for another fifty. This is a pain in the ass. We have to purify the air in the vault for the next three days and do bioscans of the entire upper level to make sure nothing has contaminated us. So for Christ's sake, when you get back, wipe your damn feet." He chuckled.

He finished talking as he had finally cranked the door fully open. He stepped back and pulled out a small notebook from his pocket. "This has detailed sketches and model numbers of all the parts we need."

Mordecai walked towards the man and extended his hand for the notebook.

"Mordecai," The Overseer said. "We are all counting on you here, so don't fuck up. Seriously, don't fuck up. I don't think you understand how fucked we are if y-"

Mordecai interrupted it and snatched the notebook from his hand "I fucking get it."

"Godspeed."

Mordecai nodded and stepped through the steel door and stared up a long, dimly lit metal staircase. Taking in a deep breath, he slowly brought a foot to the first step. Dust puffed off the step and the metal echoed up the staircase. He began to walk up the dusty stairs. The staircase was long, far too long for his own good. His mind began to race,

'This is happening, this is happening. This. Is. Happening. Let's go, I'm ready'

He began to walk faster and faster up the stairs. His feet thumping harder and harder against the steps, his foot steps echoed up and down the hall.

'I can handle whatever this fucked wasteland has to throw at me.'

He was getting closer to the end of the stairs.

"It's time to r-"

BAM!

Mordecai bashed his head on the doorway at the top of the stairs as he came flying through. "FUCK!"

He stumbled in through the doorway and rubbed his head looking around, the room was nearly empty, minus the massive Vault door with big bold letters reading; 109, and a small panel next to it. Speakers crackled to life all around him and echoed the same automated voice that was standard in every vault.

"Thank you for choosing Vault-Tec. We hope you have enjoyed your stay. Please pull the large lever on the control panel to continue exiting from the Vault."

Mordecai walked up three stairs to the control panel. The buttons and lever on it were cracked and worn from disrepair. He placed his hand on it, looking up at the Vault door before taking a deep breath. His grip on the lever tightening as he proceeded to pull it downward. It creaked and groaned, resisting him before finally giving in and pulling down.

He released his hand from the lever, sirens instantly went off, "10, 9, 8,." the automated voice cracked through the speakers.

Steam hissed and hydraulic fluid dripped from the sides of the vault door.

"7"

The door screamed and began to slide towards him, breaking large chunks of rust from the edges.

"6"

A second automated voice called out over the count down. "Please make sure any limbs, small chil-"

"5"

"-dren, and jewelry are clear of the door." The door slid forward more, a small blas of steam could be felt coming through the cracks.

"4"

Mordecai closed his eyes and felt the burst of steam slowly increase in intensity as the door finally pulled completely away from the hole it had once filled.

"3"

It began to roll to the side, replacing the warm blast of steam with a small, cool breeze.

"2"

The door kept rolling, squealing, and hissing as the fluorescent lights revealed a rough rocky wall on its other side.

"1"

It finally rolled to a stop with a metallic clang as the door looked in place. The sirens began to die down, and the room returned to a dreary silence. Mordecai alertly made his way towards the door, placing a hand against the thick metal wall. He took his first step outside the Vault door, the red-tinged gravel crunched under his feet. He took another step, reaching his hand to his Pip-boy. He pressed a button on the side, the floor lit up around him just barely giving him enough light to see the dark, rocky hallway. He kept his slow pace, inching closer and closer to the wooden door that awaited him.

Finally reaching the door. He placed his hand on his gun at his side, and then pushed the door open. As he did so, the sirens began to wail again, and the door slowly rolled closed behind him. His eyes adjusted to the dim light outside the cave. He saw a vast panorama of rusted steel skeletons and decapitated skyscrapers covering the skyline. Only a few miles away stood a massive, leaning tower with a large disc at the top hanging dangerously to one side. A few small twinkling lights could be seen far off in the distance below a mountain, and more closest to himself.

The sky was a deep blue that slowly faded to a bright orange as it stretched towards the ground. Mordecai then looked around at his immediate surroundings. He was on the side of a small hill, and around him were overturned park benches and craters. In front of him was a shattered concrete path, now worn down nearly to a fine grey dust. He took a step forward and drew in a long breath. The air was heavy and humid, the moisture seeped into his lungs. He coughed and continued walking. He took slow steps, still adjusting to the landscape as he was used to the Vault's straight cut, rectangular hallways. He carefully made his way to the bottom of the hill.

Upon reaching the end of the broken concrete path, he took a look ahead of him feeling a gentle warmth on the back of his neck, and the world slowly grew brighter around him. He turned to his head upward, looking around for the source of the light. Finding nothing, he casted his eyes to his left. A large bright light was peeking over the horizon at him. That must have been the sun he was told about. He stared at it for a moment in thought.

"So, that's the sun. Huh..?"

His eyes began to burn and water.

" **FUCK FUCK FUCK! THAT'S THE FUCKING SUN!** "

He quickly threw his head back downward, moving his arm over his eyes. He shook his head, blinking furiously before turning back around to the direction he was facing just before his.. "Discovery". His vision held a slight tint of green, blinking a few more times made the color fade away. Finally able to take in his surroundings he noticed a large, brown building, an apartment. The top few stories were torn apart and collapsed back into the building. The entire roof was missing from the, rubble scattered around the streets in front of it. Around the building were rows of,concrete pots, filled with dry, dusty dirt. A small shriveled stump had even stubbornly remained planted in one.

Stepping over the concrete curb, he slowly made his way to the front of the large structure, a small tattered tent flopped limply in the breeze near the entrance of the building. The wind picked up suddenly nearly knocking him down. He stumbled into a trash can, knocking it to the ground along with himself. He began to stand back up and dust himself off before he heard a clanking sound coming from the tent. He froze and saw a dirty, blackened boot stick out from under the side of the tent.

"Who fucking goes there?" cried the tent.

"Not someone you should be worried about..?"

The boot disappeared back into the tent and heard some more clanking. "Get the fuck off my yard ya vagrantial hoodlum!"

"I-.. I beg your.. I beg your pardon..?" Mordecai took a small step back, confusion evident in his voice.

Suddenly, an old man did a somersault out of the front of the tent. "I fuckin' told you to stop vagrifying my abode." The man crouched producing a battered pipe pistol.

"I'm just here delivering to these fine people that live in this.. broken down house. This is.. vagrifying my job." Sarcasm was heavy in his voice.

"I'm gonna deliver you a punch to the cock."

"Look man, I'm just here to give this food, I can even give you the recipient's name. It's uh.. Fuck you."

"Fuck you? Fuck me!" The old man pulled off a boot and threw it at Mordecai, and as Mordecai reached out to catch it he fired the pistol at him. Mordecai raised his arms in front of his face and closed his eyes. He felt something go zipping past his face. He opened his eyes and saw the man was no longer holding a pistol, but now he was only holding the handle of a pistol.

"Fucking SHITTY MERCHANTS AND THEIR SHITTY GUNS WITH THEIR SHITTY BARRELS."

Mordecai stared at the gun then looked behind him to see where the barrel had been sent flying to. "..Oh," he turned back to face where the old man was, only to see him running towards him, "FUCK M-!" He was stopped mid sentence by the butt of the pistol being slammed directly between his eyes. He crumpled to the ground in a heap. **_'Not even out here for five minutes..'_** Then another hit to the side of the head, and he was out cold. **Just like a light.**


End file.
